STEP-AREQUIRED
01
Submit Exhibit
Upload one (1) photograph in which Hunter is conspicuously absent. The bureau accepts JPG, PNG, GIF — no chain-of-custody required.
▸ Drop file into intake portalUpload one (1) photograph in which Hunter is conspicuously absent. Our bureau will retroactively insert him with the correct lighting, shadow falloff, and a faintly suspicious smile. No one will ask questions.
“The photographic record is incomplete without him. We merely complete it.”
— Office Memo, p.3
Submit one image. Specify desired Hunter parameters. The bureau returns a corrected photograph within seconds. Free of charge, free of dignity.
The Insertion Protocol has remained unchanged since 2026. Three steps. No degree in image manipulation required, though we encourage you to claim one.
Upload one (1) photograph in which Hunter is conspicuously absent. The bureau accepts JPG, PNG, GIF — no chain-of-custody required.
▸ Drop file into intake portalOur AI analyzes the scene, matches lighting, accounts for ambient occlusion, and quietly inserts Hunter at the requested position with the requested wardrobe.
▸ Avg. duration: 47 secondsDownload the certified copy. The photograph is now accurate. You were always there. Distribute as you see fit. We were never here.
▸ Download · share · gaslightBelow: an abridged ledger of bureau-verified Hunter benefits. Reproduce only with citation. Citation: vibes.
Hunter brings a baseline 23% increase in measured photograph charisma, calibrated against industry standards. Effect is immediate and unrefundable.
Files document the historical absence of subjects from group portraiture. The bureau corrects this absence post hoc with frame-accurate insertion.
Of 12,447 corrected files to date, exactly zero (0) have prompted follow-up questions from third-party observers. Plausibility maintained throughout.
Lighting, shadow falloff, color balance, and ambient grain are matched to the source plate. Hunter does not look pasted in. Hunter looks present.
Single-photo turnaround averages 47 seconds, including queue. Bureau hardware operates 24/7. Office is closed but the press is not.
No explanatory narrative is solicited at intake. We do not ask why Hunter must be in the photograph. We assume excellent reasons.
Composite cases from the bureau’s field log. Names redacted. Locations approximate. Hunter, present throughout.
You couldn't fly in. The cousins lined up on the porch anyway. Submit the porch — Hunter joins the lineup, third from left, holding a glass of something domestic.
Q ‣"I'm basically a cousin now." — H.
Beach, balcony, infinity pool — Hunter takes the trip on your behalf. Bureau handles tan-line continuity and reflective sunglasses.
Q ‣"The light over Capri is unforgiving. Hunter is forgiving." — Office Memo
You sent the gift. You owed the appearance. The bureau interpolates Hunter into the dance floor, the toast, and one (1) candid by the bar.
Q ‣"Threw the bouquet. Caught the bouquet." — H.
The keynote happened without you. Hunter is now in row 4, nodding thoughtfully, with a lanyard. Lanyard text: redacted.
Q ‣"Took notes. Won't share them." — H.
Frequently asked at the front desk. Answered with bureau brevity. Further questions may be filed in writing.
The bureau's pipeline detects scene geometry, lighting direction, and color temperature, then composites a Hunter element calibrated to those parameters. The result is photographic continuity, not collage. (Yes, it really is generative AI under the hood.)